So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
