All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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