she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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