I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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