Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize