What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Houston, we have a blender
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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