ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
