I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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