I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Randomize
