He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
