I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
