You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
