I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
