People in love make me want to vomit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
then he tried to convert me to islam
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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