The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
