dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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