I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
