Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
