YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
