my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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