They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
