ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
