A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
