Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I believe in your delicious
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize