I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
