This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
