we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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