I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
