ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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