Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
