I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
