So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
