At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
