I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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