Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
