I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
