I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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