handjob tips. give me some.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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