So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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