I think my fart just growled at me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's always time for handjobs
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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