We're facebook friends in real life
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
