how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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