I'm jealous of your bromance
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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