I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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