The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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