In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
