What did we do last night that was yellow?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
