Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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