if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
