He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
