She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Randomize