when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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