the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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