I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
