why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
