Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
