the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
