Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
