Can i not drive my cunt home
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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