It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
