i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
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He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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