with your own penis?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
