Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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