yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
