I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
