she was so not down for the gang bang
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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